Heyy so yah man today was a good day and so was yesterday! i went to the Fort to visit my peepz! lol i woke adara up at the crack of dawn i was at her casa at like 8 30 in the morning .. werd and she made me some beakfast? yeah thts RIGHT LMAO nah she toasted some bagels for us they were good tho. But yeah so me and adara are gonna work at HOOTERS together.. this is goin to be interesting really =) and next week BRANDY comes home for spring break! YAY im excited because its been a minute since all of the COUTURETTES have been together..the last time we were all together was on christmas at shas house for her Christmas party, and of course thats where we adopted the fairly new tradition,'poetry anonymous' which is very good, we vent and all make jokes its a good stress releaser lol.
But ive taken on a new nickname that Kourtney gave to me,'Swagga Jacka' lol because everytime im at his house he puts me on to new music and i end up stealing it so im a swagga jacka and i think its funny and cute lol.
Me and mi madre are getting along good now its pretty cool lol before she went to bed just now she gave me a kiss on the cheek lol(corny but its worth it)I just realized that like no one is perfect and people are going to hav problems with other people just because of difference in opinions or personalities whatever the case may be, but what people are worth it n your life. I love everyone who i have decided to let in my life man its great.
I dont have a crush on Ray J anymore lol it was a short crush, i dont even watch the show like that anymore! well i havent really been able to watch tv this week its been hectic! but idk ive just been thinking about so much like since yesterday... like you know how me and my ex got into and we both disrespected eachother with the name calling even tho i feel like im not wrong in this situation.like the only thing i probably should not have done was respond when jennifer hit me upwhich was the whole cause of the argument but then if i didnt speak to her then i would of never found out that he told her that he never loved me and that i didnt mean anything to him. Like do you know how much that hurt like damn someone can really decieve you and look into your eyes and tell you basically anything nd everything that u wanna hear or watever. Lik its just crazy and i know that ive been saying to my friends that 'IDC' but i mean im only human and it just started to hit me yesterday, like andi dont want this to affect any guy i date in the future beause that person should not have to pay for his wrong doings. And i love johnathan with all my heart but i cant continue to get played and hurt. I mean i accepted the fact that he chose to lay down with another female an concieve a baby, but i couldnt be mad because he and i were not together but if you 'knew u wanted to marry me'then you woulda strapped up man. Ugh i just have too many emotions running through me and like I love him but the more i think about it, he never loved me and he really didnt care about me, i was just there and a convenience for him. I just dont see how it was so easy for him to lie to me? i thought he really cared about me and that he wanted us to be together but he said the same things that he said to me to so many other girls and like im not going to get my feelings hurt anymore, hah and the crazy thing iswhen he text me on Friday he said he was sorry for hurting me...damn knowingthat he was still doing it. I wonder if his thought process was dmn as long as she dont know im not hurting her. But everything that is done in the dark always comes to the ligh! Man i trusted him and he destroyed me emotionally like im going to recover but i mean damn. And like i cant hurt him even tho hes hurt me aint that something! and Jennifer said she still wants to be with him so i said good luck and she said that he said that he wants to be with her so i mean hey watever thats about. I spoke to him yesterday through text and of course it wasabout to leave me in another state of confusion, he said he would like to be with me and that he said what he said out of anger but, when people are mad they say the truth. Now i called him a liar which he proved to be true he lied to me for 6 years and i called him an asshole cause yeah he has been and i called him a nigga(i call everyone that) i called him pussy because i felt he was handling the situation all wrong, instead of talkin to me like a normal convo and calling names he chose the other route. And i called him fake, becausehe was fakethe whole time he was with me by telling me he loved me ad then go tothe next chick and tell her he doesnt love me never did. Just the next guy that tells me he loves me hes so notgoing to get my heart that easy and hes gonna have to prove it no more'trust' bullshit cause i trusted him and look where it got me? And this entire thing could hav been avoided because if he would of been like,yo kiera right now i am fxcking with other girls and i dont wanna have you sitting here thinking you the only one but kno that i o care just now im not ready. and woulda been cool withthat man but nope he lied and ifeel like ive been sucka punched in the chest . And i mean my days have been going as usual but i know that at some point imgonna burst because i dont think its hit me what hes done to me. and im just angry but idk! adara is gonna try n hook me up wit this dude hes BF with "edward cullen" (edward cullen is me and adaras perfect man from the movie twiligt so we call her guy edward cullen) so i mean he must be BUENO ya know. IDk im not looking for anything serious but ive been single for about 4 months now... so i need to re enter tha field.But its nothing serious. But im tlaking to BRYan right now on aim and hes like girls aint shit so i meani guess girls can be BITCHES too. point being everyones had their heartbroken but not everyone recovers the same. some take tha and treat their next relationship like shii or some never open up like the way they did again or some go on their FXCK BItCHES shit. i know that ima take this as a lesson but i love hard thats just the type of girl i am and everyone with me gets to start off on a fresh page. I have a feeling that this summer ima find someone lol..IDK its just this weird feeling =) But my rule is im gonna have to really get to know this person like really cause i thought i knew johnathan for 6yearsbut damn...
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