P.S.

follow me on twitter.com/K_PrissyMissy. im addicted there and im on it constantly! so you will know basically my every move lol... COME ON i need more followers i had 128 then it deleted some now i only have 92! WTH come on twitter.com/K_PrissyMissy and of course facebook.com/kiera.ables

Monkey C Monkey D0NT =)

Hello people, whats up?!? well of course im chilling and being blessed everyday. Well this past couple of days ive been thinking and also on the move which everyone should actually be doing on a daily. because if you are not moving forward, or progressing then you might as well be DEAD. Hopefully whatever you are doing its for betterment in yourself =). But anyway in my life im enjoying me and im still discovering new things about myself and i love it. I have been working out, switching it up everyday tonight i went roller skating tonight and i have been running and going to the gym. Tomm before work i am going to the gym because i want to be in shape in shape by my bday which is in about 3 weeks i am totally excited for. Im a size 6/7 now and i just wanna tone up a little bit. Uhm this past sunday i went to Summer stage and it was AMAZING Case, JOn B, Ryan leslie,Deborah cox and Jazmine sullivan was there and p diddy and cassie were on the sidelines enjoying the show with us it was amazing. I got a little sick and i got that watery feeling in my mouth which made me feel like i was going to vomit YUCK. But i made it through till the end ! And im so excited for school to start and theres a program at my school that if i teach science or math its paid for for my masters degree. But i want to teach history or english leaning more towards history. and lately everyone has been telling me to get back into acting and im thinking about it today i went to borders and got the backstage ad because i know i have an extremely amazing talent and it would be real stupid if i wasted it you know. And i think each and everyday my talent and skills get better im more confident everyday im not acceptive to negativity anymore as much i mean its everywhere so you have to learn how to deal with it in life or else you are going to be a sheltered person and not be able to live life. So im going to get an agent! ay yi yi thats among the other SEVERAL things on the list of things to do. im procrastinating like crazy especially with school but i know me i get things done and i knock it out the DAMN ball park. If you have a talent whether u think its minor take advantage of it and go to the fullest dont let anyone deter you from the things in life that you want and desire. because that passion is going to get you there and you will be so happy and feel totally complete.But i am happy right now im alive and i have a wonderful support system and people around me who care and truly love me and its a mutual feeling.I was reading karrine steffans new book 'the vixen manual' and she said that its ok to go to a party but just know when to leave. You never really want to be the last person at the party either.And im feeling so creative and so many ideas in my mind like so many moves i want to make by the end of this year its crazy, im going to be so focused and im going to go so hard at everything i do for the rest of the year and life period. Everyone has been telling me i need to make my life into a book since like i was a freshman in highschool and its crazy because the weirdest thing seem to happen to ME lol and i dont complain i take it and ride it out because at the end i will ALWAYS overcome any situation that is thrown or given to me. And i can feel and see that i have become a stronger INDIVIDUAL. Im learning that too its not always me and the girls or me and my boys its ME im an individual and i need to concentrate on KIERAS individualism and satisfy me and im complete for the stage that im at in my life but not in life because there are so many things that im going to do in life GREATNESS<3 but i Kiera Patrice Ables am a complete individual at the moment. i was raised with common sense and decency and morals and resspect and im naturally intelligent and creative and spontaneous im an all around Kiera girl. I am IT =) KA-Duh

When I think of You...

OK Bloggers =) SO the summer feels like its definitely coming to an end and it seems like it just got here!!! WTF..ughh well my summer really isnt going to end because im moving back to AZ yay lol i just wanna save up some DINERO so when i go out there ill be GOOD so probably a little after my bday i should be out there ..But anyway life is MOVING because time stops and waits for NO ONE=).And im learning that everyday when im looking at the clock and im like 'ALREADY' lol.Last sunday i got KOurtney and bryan and sha to come to church with me yay! lol i told hihs mommy that id take kourtney to church with me...and this sunday we are suppose to be going to jersey shore but idk cause of church or who knows i may not go IDK.But right now i am uploading pictures from my camera and there are a bunch of old pictures that have to be uploaded because i had lost my USB cord and i just found it yay ME !!!OK sooo yes i went to SUMMER STAGE last sunday and freaking JOE, Ginuine and Chico Debarge was there.and let me tell you GINUINE WOOOH hes an amazing performer lol and of course he had all the ladies with 'PONY' and JOE performed' all the things your man wont do' WOOOH I LOVEDDD IT.. but it was definitely HAWTTTT... But yeah ive been trying to avoid the SUN this summer lol i didnt wanna get 'BLACK AS HELL' lol but i think i caught a tan but watever im cool with it.its nothat serious. Last night i was on the phone with my SPIFFSTER lol till like 6 something AM.. and i didnt have work today so i slept until 2ish and my cuzzo wants to go to webstar hall tonight and im debating. IDK because shes leaving on SATURDAY back to DE so i def do want to see her...idk wat to do man lol Im def gonna miss her but i mean thats always gonna be my CUZZO like shes my ACE BOON KOON we have been through a bunch of things in such a short period of time and i have her back no matter what and she has mine =) I<3 color="#ffccff">BLACK who knows..i just want to keep EVOLVING as a young woman and take everyday as a lesson and crazy experiences i have no regrets but then i wish i could have done certain things slightly different..But i am who i am for a reason so i never really QUESTION anything because everything happens for a rason =) lol.For now im chilling and im so grateful for everthing.Im not putting a time on anything anymore, i want to be in a relationship but i know that im really not ready for one and especially since im about to make this move back across the country i know its not going to be with anyone over here. And Mona and i are still good friends and theres never been any bad feelings for eachother i mean i have her tatted on me and i never have any regrets about that and i still have crazy love her like she taught me so much on love and how to really be there for someone and i showed her many things as well.I honestly think shes one of the best things or person im going to meet in my LIFE.She has had such a MAJOR effect on my life undeniably. Uhm im just gonna touch on Johnathan lightly because that chapter is done. We have been arguing lately and a couple of days ago it went to a level that i should have never taken it to because of course its out of my character but sometimes when it came to him it was hard for me to ignore the little dumb and hurtful demeaning things he would do and say and i stooped to a level that i should have not. I said a lot of disguisting things, and i told him that i never loved him and i dont love him. I cant say that i never loved him because if i didnt i would not have not dealt with him for these past 6 years whether as a friend or girlfriend. and he said basically that i meant nothing to him in return and honestly he was probably being honest when he said that because i believe that he never loved me i was just there ya know. and i have accepted that im not hurting anymore im moving on with my life and leaving him where he is theres no need to keep in contact with him or anything because we dont get a long together and he will NEVER change. well hes not the man for me basically. He apologized to me when he was locked up , he apologized and he also wrote me a little long winded note on facebook. and i dont know if he apologized because he was incarcerated or if he really meant it , but it doesnt matter cause im not going to put much time into wondering about his feelings anymore ive been doing it for too LONG. But yeah theres someone out there for me and that PERSON will come when its that persons time.. for now everyone else is just PREPERATION for the real deal lol. And the whole thing with mona i cant tell the future or what it holds but im not saying there wont be another time for us in the future because the connection we had was so unexplainable like there is no comparison. Like that was a FAIRYTALE till the end and the ending has yet to be told. Regardless ill have endless love for her. Our book is still open ended. Whatever happens from this point on just happens im not expecting anything =) but i know im going to be super SUCCESSFUL lol. I went to go have my palms read! and she said im gonna have 3 kids and married between 24-27 and no DIVORCE yay lol and im goin to be real successful and a bunch of other things that im not going to get into.. Oh and she told me who im definitely not going to MARRY.

uhm.

So tonight was definitely crazy with my girls! lol Me Amjay Sha and Jasmine went to this NEoSoul jazz concert in newark and it was amazing i enjoyed myself but the real fun came after when we drove to the gas station and on the way everytime that there was a red light all of us would run out the car and switch seats and it was soo much fun! the cars around us were staring and looking like wth and they were laughing with us lol. Itwas so much fun but we got to the gast station ad got a bunch of snacks and coffee and the guy 'yaya' gave us some free stuff he was super NICE lol. THen we were sitting on the hood of the car posing and blasting the music and had twizzlers in our mouths just acting crazii lol then we decided to put scarves around our faces and act like we were robbingthe store so we went in and we were like put ur hands up! give us all u got and the customers were laughing and the guy was like what do u guys want it was SOOO FUN and mind you we are in heels and mini dresses and hair is all done and our make up is def on POINT! lol we were there for about a good 30 minutes..Then we started dancing on some guys car while he was in it and we gave him a cherry twizzler YAY.. then we went to 7 11 by shas job and we started singing Bad Boys, the cop song but we changed the words to bad girl bad girl what ya gonna do what ya gonna do when they come for you! and we were all Nsync and then we broke out in Michael Jackson thriller dance moves and it was soooo HOT .. then the A&P because we wanted to rent a movie and see it'The Uninvited' but they didnt have it so we walked around the supermarket NSYNC and when i rolled up on a black guy and jumped in his cart and said GIVE ME YOUR MONEY lmao and hes like ur funny im like this isnt a game SIR and i started taking his stuff out of the cart and throwin it on the floor and he was laughing and taping it on his BLACKBERRY lol then i started singing the osng' GIMME 20 Dollars' lol and then we walked to the FREEZER section and we acted like we were shivering cold lol IT ws the best night and then we went to the DINER to eat! yay then stopped at KOURTNEYS house and chilled for a little bit and of course we got the cypher going! oww i was freestlying 'KRS2' is back in the building lmao yeah and we were doing crazii dances and then jamming to Michael Jackson then we came home and its 5 48 am and we are still up tlaking about everything! literally like a lot of things are coming out lol I enjoyed my night~ oh and ive been talkin to my ' crush' all night basically yaY SMILING FROM EAR TO EAR definitely lol nah NO sweat right..lol i told her i was crushing on her,..yeah i know seems Juvenile lol but its NOT and today im having lunch with my MOMZ hmm idk where i wanna go i think OLIVE GARDEN YESSSS lol then rest of the day idk i think i wanna go see BRUNO at the movies and yeah SO thats the jist of it IM HAPPY CONTENT and SUPER LOVED...im thankful for the FRIENDS and FAMILY i have in my life im lucky and i definitely appreciate every person in my life =)KK im leaving on that note hmmmMuah

Hola Mami...

Hey you guys =), so a lot has happened lol uhm last week i fainted and hit the back of my head on the edge of the couch on the way down and it was absolutely crazy. and Shas mom had to call the ambulance and i was taken to the hospital! craziness i know right, but they never really found out what was wrong with me scary...yeah i know.Then my mom and my cousin we went to ihop to eat then movies and i spent the day with my mommy who i love dearly =) shes my everything. Then i went to take a nap and i had a voicemail..guess from who?!?!? well yeah i dont think i need to say a name at this point and time in my blogging life because you guys should already know lol. And i was told that he wanted to take me out to dinner and discuss some things and just hang out so i accepted why not ya kno? so we went out to eat and we chit chat a little bit but it was awkward he was so quiet and not much was being sad from his end. And i spoke to him yesterday and now i know why. I feel like a jack ass in some type of sense because i have been selfish these pass couple of months and im not looking at the big picture. Im not taking full blame but i mean i definitely have not put myself thoroughly in his shoes and i dont think that i could ever understand what he is going through. And i try everyday to empathize with him. And it just needs to come natural and not be fake about it. i cant act like i know everything and that theres nothing. Like this is just on a friendship level you know? I need to be more flexible and understanding and do more listening than talking before i get the full out story. But thats that. And i met this girl...through Adara and she is soooo pretty and her personality is like CRAZY lol. We talk on the phone like everyday for hours and its crazy shes a different breed like im attracted to her physically and stuff but shes only 17! yikes lol. I dont think it would go any further lol but if anything a great friendship, plus im not trying to get back on the relationship scene for a while. But i definitely do not mind getting to know people. Because that can always be potential lol but for now im focusing on other things...and i am enjoying my summer that has been good so far i cant wait for my birthday to come now ! im going to be 20! yayyyyyyyy lol but thats the basics of it. =)

UPDATE

So uhm i know its definitely been a while since ive wrote.BLOGGED whatever... but uhm im like addicted to TWITTER LOL follow me twitter.com/luckiikay. Anyway ive been hanging out with my cousins a lot lately and ive come to the realization that im the only one on both sides of my family who is 'non gangster' lol i mean im not a punk i just have a lot of tolerance for things, but lately my temper has been really short. Ive gotten into arguments with some of my besties and its solved now. But thats a part of growing. But yesterday me and my cousins went to CONNECTICUT to see Channy graduate she was class president! Super proud of her. But anyway a lot has happened since May 26th lol shii but i honestly dont remember verbatim and what i do remember ill catch you guys up on. UHm lets see me and my moms are chilling and my brother is in love with his girlfriend... but they just broke up today and hes a little crushed because he really loved her. And it was soo funny because i was like you cant be in love but i remember at his age i had my first major ' love crush' but anyway thats whats going on. THE summer is here and im excited because that means that my birthday is coming up and im going to be 20 ! yay.. Oh and i finally saw that movie 'hes just not that into you' and that movie is so adorable i cried at the end not because i was sad but because i was happy. like i always had a time limit on when i wanted to be married which was 25 but that just made me realize ijust wanna live my life and be great at everything i do. and just be a happy person with as little negative energy around me as possible ya know. Oh and im growing my perm out and im going super super natural like its been i think 2 months since ive gotten a perm and now when i wash my hair and stuff my hair gets curly and i gotta blow it out then straighten it but i dont mind im trying this natural look but of course i still every now and then put my extensions in i love emm shii. oh and i dyed my hair Light golden brown and i have these light light extensions in it looks cute. and my face has been having little breakouts the pass month and its really weird so i havent been wearing any make up except yesterday for the graduation but im not a heavy make up person anymore like in AZ!... Oh yeah im moving back to ARIZONA im super excited im sooo focused lol this past 6 months ive been bullshitting and stuff and my concern isnt on being in a relationship or going to the latest party!{maybe} but i wanna go to AZ work my ass off crazy and ASU baby my own place and rekindle old things... Anywho i got back into my old poetry self ive been going to poetry slams lately with Sha and Amanda, they had a show last week at the broadway baby club dwntwn ny on 53 st nd 8th ave then we went to the Bistro on 22nd st and 7th ave. Im going to start writing poetry and get deeper im trying to get on some other level lol... I use to write all the time and then i stopped now almost 3 year ago.. Whatever though im taking 1 day at a time and thats the best way to go truthfully well thats what i learned so far in my lifetime. im still the same adventurous spontaneous loving caring person that i was, thats def not going to change...But anyway im going to go now because im with my cousins LaToya and Tiasia and more family is coming by later so im going to go see whatsup and just laugh because thats what we always do when we are together anyway. KK BYE bEEZIEz...MUAH

P.S.

Oh yeah and i still love him

Thoughts...

friends.. are they really who they claim to be.. should certain actions deter u away from certain friendships.. should u have to put up walls with certain friends?? I never thought thats how friendships should be handled but.. in the past weeks a lot has happend.. and im looking at things different.. respect.. and how people view eachother and where do you let certain people GO.. Maybe people are there for seasons and they leave... Im not going to stress about it but should i have to censor myself when im around certain people? thats irritating and uncalled for. at the end of the day i know who i am. I have a BIG MOUTH, not purposely my intentions with people are never negative...even when you cross me and EFF me over im still looking for the greater good out of the situation... I will give someone my last dollar and try to make a sour situation the best one in your life... ill listen to all your problems and give you positive feedback, ill be down to walk around in the middle of the night just because itll make YOU feel better. Id stand up for my friend and not judge them... I appreciate the best and the worse of them because that makes them. Id never choose a boy over you over nonsense unless it is my husband, ill disagree with my friends but know at the end of the convo it was spoken out of love..I wont talk to my girls man or their ex, ill respect ur feelings... Im not perfect not trying to be im just here to be me and follow through on my dreams and MY life... but right now im not feeling it with some people...It comes down to that good ol Process of Elimination...

I wont be the weakest link.. But i can say GOODBYE...

So yesterday was Mothers Day and it was a really good day for me.. Me and my cousin went to church together and i saw a bunch of people i havent seen in forever! and my twinnnnnn KENDERICK.. lol we have the same BDAY.. and i found out that they wanted me to judge he cotillion on FRIDAY but i was M.I.A... damn man that would of been super fun lol But everything happens for a reason.. Uhm then we went with my family to y aunts house and ate there well me and tiasia slept because the night before we pulled an allnighter! it was crazy! but i enjoyed myself and this summer looks like its going to be TONS OF FUN.. so far roadtrip to GA in AUG but ANIKOLES bday is coming up this month and shes gonna be 21!!! AHHH so thats gonna be super funn clubbn nd nice hotel? yes that sounds amazing lol. Uhm... i am pretty content right now.. im saying focused on positive things and im taking ME into consideration for once and it feels GOOD... And hopefully this summer i can take a visit to AZ i miss the weather and my ULTIMATE BRENNA i miss her a TONZ and my beezy ROMINA and of course MONAAAA lol... i speak to her almost everyday though so shes doing good.
But church was really on point yesterday.. the sermon was well appreciated =) lol uhm this saturday is the "walk for Jesus" and me and my cuz are goin to walk it im trying to get adara to do it lmao but when i brought the idea up she laughed lol im like no CHIK im so Serious lol... and thats pretty much it... well a sum of it<3

It.

Confuseddddddd...or am I? i dont know what the hell is running through my mind.. i never really have a thought out plan which can sometimes be FUn but then NO.. Im about to be 20 years old in less than 5 months .. Get it together seriously.. priorities need to be fixed and everything cause its crazy and ridiculous... My mind is ..a circus.. sometimes its scary .. Im never Sane..
Life is crazy tho so i guess i was made correctly.. Is it really never too early or too late? what is this all about... Im lost Confused and Unsure... Im the chick that needs reassurance often.. not in just words.. but actions as well!
WHERES HOWARD HELP ME???? LMAO.. im laughing and fighting back tears all in one...
I think AZ is calling me.. Its about that time

yeah i have no complaints just the distance thing but then that should make us want eachother more and appreciate eachother when we see eachother right? or does that make him wander?

THis was the response...


marv154 (9:14:59 PM): He's a niggaaa kiera...he gon b wounderin
KaiSeLBa 07 (9:15:10 PM): lol u can look but touch?
marv154 (9:15:19 PM): Watchu think he gon b doin up der?
marv154 (9:15:32 PM): Lookn at asssss an not touchin it?
marv154 (9:15:37 PM): Smh
KaiSeLBa 07 (9:15:42 PM): working and takin care of his daughter but also go to the clubs with his homies and stuff like i kick it with my girls
KaiSeLBa 07 (9:15:44 PM): yeah
KaiSeLBa 07 (9:16:40 PM): YOU LOOK BUT DONT TOUCH
Auto Response from marv154 (9:16:41 PM): Not n da moodSame shit different day
KaiSeLBa 07 (9:16:49 PM): u and adara are distant from eachother
marv154 (9:17:20 PM): Yea tru..but I wudnt hurt adara lik d
marv154 (9:17:29 PM): Dat*
KaiSeLBa 07 (9:18:06 PM): lol and he wouldnt either..this is our last chance
KaiSeLBa 07 (9:18:19 PM): really because now we are adults and we no right from wrong
KaiSeLBa 07 (9:18:22 PM): no more excuses
marv154 (9:18:32 PM): But from wa I hear ur mans has a past of cheatin
marv154 (9:18:40 PM): Am I ryt?
KaiSeLBa 07 (9:19:03 PM): yeah but we were young...and i cheated on him ONCE
Auto Response from marv154 (9:19:04 PM): Not n da moodSame shit different day
KaiSeLBa 07 (9:19:04 PM): ONCE
marv154 (9:20:23 PM): Smh c u prolly made him da way he is
marv154 (9:20:34 PM): U cheated on him first?
KaiSeLBa 07 (9:20:42 PM): lmao noo i cheated on him after he cheated on me a million times
KaiSeLBa 07 (9:20:44 PM): no
KaiSeLBa 07 (9:20:46 PM): not at all
marv154 (9:22:19 PM): Mhmm I seee
KaiSeLBa 07 (9:22:47 PM): soo... tit for tat and now FRESH START??
Auto Response from marv154 (9:22:48 PM): Not n da moodSame shit different day
marv154 (9:23:14 PM): If das wat u wanna do
marv154 (9:23:30 PM): I hope da best 4 u
KaiSeLBa 07 (9:24:11 PM): aww thanks =)

Im so much to manage....

Whats it really about?

Sitting here listening to Ashanti...The way that I love you... and im jamming out to jango.com...

The past tense is in full effect. Ive changed but i feel as though for the better..for some others

IDK... Im a little softer than usual especially when it comes to accepting things...with everything

and everyone...Put the gears in reverse or forward? i dont want the old days back i want better

days ahead of me... Thats it.. And it seems like im going to make them happen..ALL ON ME..

{Just me} What makes someone an OFFICIAL GIRL? What happens when you get what you've

asked for? i bet you never really thought about what came with those WISHES

Just like an ad For TYLENOL{sideeffects..}...

I can be something out of this world man...............<3 all i need is my Girls{they are always there}

Eventually...

So today was a really GREAT day for me... I spoke to all of my girls and everyone is doing good and that makes me happy ... And school is over in 3 weeks so im excited about that. I mean last time everyone was together we really didnt have a chance to catch up on everything and what everyone is going through. And this weekend we had a chance to do that and everything just fell back into place like it should be. These girls are like my sisters...Scratch like out they are...you mess with one of them then you are definitely messing with me. We have no boundaries with eachother but then again we do respect eachother. This Friday is DRIZZY concert thingy so we are def excited about that. And i finally changed my name on facebook to Kiera GABBYUNION Ables lmao.. thanks to TREV he gave me the strength to push through with that lol I mean ash and adara think i took it a lil too far but i mean damn i was feelin myself and so was OTHERS lol.. iv been hearing gabby more than KIERA so i mean i gotta do it Adara said that i can be BRIELLE UNION lmao werd.. COMICAL man... Johnathan and i are good...i know yesterday i was like blah but i mean things can change in seconds let alone a day. I spoke to him last night and he made me feel all better about us being together I trust him and i dont think hes playing games. I think he still has a lot to learn and so do i but id rather do it with him by my side then DOLO.. I mean dont get me wrong if i had to do it by myself i could but id rather not. I love him and i want to spend the rest of my life with him. I heart him. And his daughter is so adorable she is the cutest thing and she is a spitting image of her daddy. Uhm i get the question a lot on how i feel about that. Uhm i dont have a certain way towards it. If me and johnathan continue and become more serious than just talk and we eventually move in together and married then i will accept Jianna as family or asone of my own. She does have a mother though and i would never try and step on her mothers toes. But Johnathan is apart of me and Jianna is a piece of him so it would be indecent to not accept her.. Plus shes a baby I LOVE KIDS lol {not the ghetto ignant ones tho lol} But right now i gotta focus on him plus i havnt even met her yet and its probably going to be a while anyway so when that day comes itll come and ill be ready. And earlier this year he said that he hoped he and i got closer this year and i believe that we have got closer... Its been rough i dont want to get carried away but its a relationship and i do cherish it. I love him and adore him... Its funny because when i was visiting him last week i found out that he likes to write and his favorite subject is english well one of them...and i think science.. I dont do Science but I LOVE ENGLISH and i thought it was cool caus that just reminded me that i do not know everything about him. and this will be enjoyable getting to know him more...i dont ever wanna know him like a book ... but i feel like we are intuned with eachother..idk if that makes any sense but i know what im talking about. And one of his favorite movies is SHOTTAS and sharmelle knows tht movie shes like thats every carribbean persons fav movie.. lol Crazy right? yeah i know.. But im not rushing anything i like the pace that this is going im happy i just want to keep US happy because a relationship consist of two people and two peoples feelings and ideas thoughts etc... Im not giving up on it too lightly...Im in love and im not apologetic for it...

Simplicity...

So a lot has happened.. Uhm i am feeling myself a little more and more everyday lol and its not a bad thing...im not cocky or anything like that but im just exuberanting with LIFE lol yeah i made that word up! This weekend i hung out with my girls and it was bueno as always!im gonna start running more so my body can be super fit for summer wear and virinia beach wear and myrtle beach with my girls and cuzzo and her man...Uhm im not single i go back out with Johnathan but it doesnt feel like im in a relationship... idk its weird i love him and when we first started going back out like a week ago i was willing to work out whatever we had to work out but he doesntfeel the same way.If he didnt have me in his life it would not make a difference at all. And i finally realized that today and it hurt but its life. But i learned that i have the best friends inthe world who love and need me...its just a good feeling sometimes when your boyfriend feels the same way about you the way you do him. I honestly believe that i love and 'need' him more than he needs and loves me. Uhm and i know it may seem like...ok why are you with him? BEcause i truly love him but this isnt how i want a relationship to be. I needattention from my partner ad i get absolutely none from him. and im gonna stop hitting him up because im pestering him and becoming a nuissance and I KIERA ABLES am not that girl. I have completely runout of ideas. I cnt keep someone interested if hes not willing to put in effort...BUt its cool because its always been like this i think its because i dated mona and i was her everything i got everything handed to me and i never had to ask her to call me or give me semi attention i feel like im in 3rd wrld country starving..But for his love and attention. As long as i know that i am and have given it my all and then some then i will have no regrets. I have none so far but i can only help but wonder why he wants to be with me...if he is going to still act as though he doesnt hve someone...Crazy i think he would put MORE effort into a new FEmale...But anyway i just cant wait for school to start and hurry up and get my degree an start my career... i wanna start looking into buying a CONDOMINIUM... but idk where i think imight move to Delaware or somethng or somewhere in NJ idk but im definitely going to start looking on the market NOW... I still have my goals i want to reach ! ugh the marriage by 25...EHHH its looking shakii but i mean aslong as im doing what i want and happy that will be good enough for me. I also spent the week wth my COUSIN and her MAN AND i had tons of FUN me and her are like freakin TWINS.. ILOVE THAT GIRL! but anyway thats pretty much it... this is a crazy Ride and im loving every minute of it I love my girls Adara Anik Brandy Sha And TIASIA and i love my boyfriend JOhnathan...I dont like him right now tho but as long as i love him and he loves me we still have a connection...I Know that this chance im gonna give it a lot more than 6 years ago because i am older and i have grown as a woman and i knw more and i have experienced many things in these past 6 years...But i dont think hes willing and ready for my Love.. and its crazii CUZ IM AMAZING =)

DRAINED =(

im really and truely drained i feel like im gonna pass out any day now.. im trying so hard to be strong and just do what i got to do but everything is just crashing in on my emotions and im hanging on a thin ass thread. Im currently at my cousins house and im just really not feeling it. I have a headache my eyes keep welling up with tears and im hot and im listening to some sappy love songz..i like them tho, they are from my jango.com and im listening to corrine bailey rae. i love her music it is amazing and all that stuff. my cousin and her hubby went to the movies, i tried to do a double date but you know if johnathan isnt down with it then it doesnt go down. He has not changed at all. the only thing that is different is that i have a title.. GIRLFRIEND.. i get so caught up easily. ijust wish my feelings would be on my side for once.

TBC... lol in the ROC

Music Playlist at MixPod.com

Dessert or Disaster?!?

So these past 2 weeks have been AMAZING! really, i mean things didnt go exactly planned but thats the best part about them... you never know when you are gonna fall head over heels for someone or if you're gonna take someone elses negative and make it your positive

You cant hold a good woman {down}

{OH} Best WeDnesDay so Far... I dont wanna spoil a good thing..I think its best i Keep it to myself... {I dont wanna Jinx it..right ADARA}

=)

im still a kid... me at 2 then at 19

September 5th,1989 i brought a smile to Alicia Regina Grace and Sean Flynn Ables.
Me and my mom dont always see eye to eye but at the end of everyday shes got my back and she may not always be the nicest but i mean shes a{aries} lol.
And my dad well the first time that i can remember meeting him was behind a jail cell, hes never taken me to the park or been to any of my graduations but i mean hes still my dad, and ive been in a steady contact with him since my freshman year of highschool! and im just like him like same sense of humor and everything i LOVE HIM and he doesnt get out of prison for another 3.4 yrz ugh TOO LONG... But hes there for me as much as he can be! he gives the best advice and when he writes me letters it always has jokes in them and then he be tryna drop some knowledge in them lol... im like word being locked up done gave you some knowledge? lol But yeah man hes coolio and hes always giving me new books to read and they be some off the chain books i be like word GOOD LOOKS!
When i was in AZ i use to visit him a lot and now that im back on the east coast i havent seen him in a couple of months so im missing tha.. But im like his spitting image and i know where i get my humor from cause mi madre is mostly serious and sometimes i gotta mess with her a lil bit to be like LOOK IT AINT THaT SERIOUS! i always wonder how my dad and mom hooked up cause tey are totally opposites, like he use to go outside her window and sing "Gotta get ya home with me tonight UH OH OH OH" not the remix byfoxy brown but by Eugene Wilde. lol and my mom would b e looking out the window like Diss nigga here lmao... but they loved eachother like if he woulda got his shii together they were gonna get married and stuff :(. but she got married to TONY UHHHH i dont like him but they been married since i was 2 shes gettin a divorce, they have been seperated since i was a junior in high school but some PSYCHOS dont get it lol.
I know that if my dad was out i woulda been DaDDYS LITTLE GIRL cause when i was younger i was the biggest tom boy and around certain people i still am especially around Kourtney and Kameron lmao(adara u was there u know what im talking about) lmao but yeah but im always with my mom and shes very delicate and ladylike lol nah mean, she doesnt use the n word or nothing like that ..check this.. the other day my brother asked if he could get his ear pierced and she said "does Barack Obama" have his ear pierced... I was rolling im like Ma he aint Barack Obama tho.. She has high hopes for her kids.. lmao No but we are all smart and we give her hell but she wouldnt wanna trade us in for the world!
From my mom its me(19) jared(12,13 on May8) mAkenna(5, 6 on march 15) and from my daddy me, fantasia,ashonti,Sean jr. There was another one but she passed away as a baby,lashaun.. That was suppose to be my name..Imagine me as a LAshaun? My mom had some crazy options for my name: Siobahn,Camille,Victoria,Ashley,Xiomara... IDK what was going on in the 80z.. I know that during her pregnancy she always at cheese! thats why IM OBSESSES with CHEESE lol... thats crazy and ive always been a clown since i was a child and ive always had a big mouth, my mom would always say 'you cant keep secrets' Oh and i use to be MAJORLY OBSESSED with Mcdonalds and i use toeat it so much shes like thats why your upper lip is like the 'M' in Mcdonalds lol...which is true... I use to always try to eat her food even if i couldnt see it,,, she said i was like a hound dog lmao... crazy
i cant wait till i have my own family i wonder what my children ar gonna be like? and i wonder what kind of parent im gonna be? I hope im the BEST =) i already have names picked out lmao
heres some names i like:Alana, Arielle,Alysia,Kaseigh,Paige,Charlotte,Alexandra,Gabrielle and for Boys: Joshua, Johnathan(i just like the name relax people lol),Isaiah,Elijah,Kaleb,Andrew,Jalen,Jaden,Xavier(ive always like this name..relax again)
But idk i was just going down memory lane and stuff cause me and mi madre were talking before she went to the city wit my sister to go get their hair done....look at this little princess in training.. since she was 4 shes been getting wash and sets... When she gets older her man is gonna have a run for his money lol! cant wait to see what she turns out like cause she has MAJOR attitude lie and she dont play that and shes sooo smart... My brother has a girlfriend and right now its all about MIMI.. hes buggn she got his myspace password and she be changing it and he be saving his lunch money and allowance to buy her stuff LMAO! i think its too cute and he fought some kid at school cause he disrespected his girl...But the girl is pretty lol im like dmn Niggas in love at 12? idk MAN we'll see and hes really good at basketball he played for the Gauchos and he LOVES soccer and now he SNow Boards im like OH you on ya WHite boiii Flow.. Hes all over the place~ My famz Crazii but i wouldnt trade em for the WORLD...

THe truth

...Is that im still in love with him and i dont know why cause the feeling isnt mutual and hes done so many things to me already.. man why do i feel like this..UGh and now im crying Oh okay so here it comes.Im done i just want to disappear for a couple of days.. and be alone with my thoughts this isstupid i cant believe im crying!!!! i just want to roll over and disappear...

Still telling lies to me =(

Heyy so yah man today was a good day and so was yesterday! i went to the Fort to visit my peepz! lol i woke adara up at the crack of dawn i was at her casa at like 8 30 in the morning .. werd and she made me some beakfast? yeah thts RIGHT LMAO nah she toasted some bagels for us they were good tho. But yeah so me and adara are gonna work at HOOTERS together.. this is goin to be interesting really =) and next week BRANDY comes home for spring break! YAY im excited because its been a minute since all of the COUTURETTES have been together..the last time we were all together was on christmas at shas house for her Christmas party, and of course thats where we adopted the fairly new tradition,'poetry anonymous' which is very good, we vent and all make jokes its a good stress releaser lol.

But ive taken on a new nickname that Kourtney gave to me,'Swagga Jacka' lol because everytime im at his house he puts me on to new music and i end up stealing it so im a swagga jacka and i think its funny and cute lol.

Me and mi madre are getting along good now its pretty cool lol before she went to bed just now she gave me a kiss on the cheek lol(corny but its worth it)I just realized that like no one is perfect and people are going to hav problems with other people just because of difference in opinions or personalities whatever the case may be, but what people are worth it n your life. I love everyone who i have decided to let in my life man its great.

I dont have a crush on Ray J anymore lol it was a short crush, i dont even watch the show like that anymore! well i havent really been able to watch tv this week its been hectic! but idk ive just been thinking about so much like since yesterday... like you know how me and my ex got into and we both disrespected eachother with the name calling even tho i feel like im not wrong in this situation.like the only thing i probably should not have done was respond when jennifer hit me upwhich was the whole cause of the argument but then if i didnt speak to her then i would of never found out that he told her that he never loved me and that i didnt mean anything to him. Like do you know how much that hurt like damn someone can really decieve you and look into your eyes and tell you basically anything nd everything that u wanna hear or watever. Lik its just crazy and i know that ive been saying to my friends that 'IDC' but i mean im only human and it just started to hit me yesterday, like andi dont want this to affect any guy i date in the future beause that person should not have to pay for his wrong doings. And i love johnathan with all my heart but i cant continue to get played and hurt. I mean i accepted the fact that he chose to lay down with another female an concieve a baby, but i couldnt be mad because he and i were not together but if you 'knew u wanted to marry me'then you woulda strapped up man. Ugh i just have too many emotions running through me and like I love him but the more i think about it, he never loved me and he really didnt care about me, i was just there and a convenience for him. I just dont see how it was so easy for him to lie to me? i thought he really cared about me and that he wanted us to be together but he said the same things that he said to me to so many other girls and like im not going to get my feelings hurt anymore, hah and the crazy thing iswhen he text me on Friday he said he was sorry for hurting me...damn knowingthat he was still doing it. I wonder if his thought process was dmn as long as she dont know im not hurting her. But everything that is done in the dark always comes to the ligh! Man i trusted him and he destroyed me emotionally like im going to recover but i mean damn. And like i cant hurt him even tho hes hurt me aint that something! and Jennifer said she still wants to be with him so i said good luck and she said that he said that he wants to be with her so i mean hey watever thats about. I spoke to him yesterday through text and of course it wasabout to leave me in another state of confusion, he said he would like to be with me and that he said what he said out of anger but, when people are mad they say the truth. Now i called him a liar which he proved to be true he lied to me for 6 years and i called him an asshole cause yeah he has been and i called him a nigga(i call everyone that) i called him pussy because i felt he was handling the situation all wrong, instead of talkin to me like a normal convo and calling names he chose the other route. And i called him fake, becausehe was fakethe whole time he was with me by telling me he loved me ad then go tothe next chick and tell her he doesnt love me never did. Just the next guy that tells me he loves me hes so notgoing to get my heart that easy and hes gonna have to prove it no more'trust' bullshit cause i trusted him and look where it got me? And this entire thing could hav been avoided because if he would of been like,yo kiera right now i am fxcking with other girls and i dont wanna have you sitting here thinking you the only one but kno that i o care just now im not ready. and woulda been cool withthat man but nope he lied and ifeel like ive been sucka punched in the chest . And i mean my days have been going as usual but i know that at some point imgonna burst because i dont think its hit me what hes done to me. and im just angry but idk! adara is gonna try n hook me up wit this dude hes BF with "edward cullen" (edward cullen is me and adaras perfect man from the movie twiligt so we call her guy edward cullen) so i mean he must be BUENO ya know. IDk im not looking for anything serious but ive been single for about 4 months now... so i need to re enter tha field.But its nothing serious. But im tlaking to BRYan right now on aim and hes like girls aint shit so i meani guess girls can be BITCHES too. point being everyones had their heartbroken but not everyone recovers the same. some take tha and treat their next relationship like shii or some never open up like the way they did again or some go on their FXCK BItCHES shit. i know that ima take this as a lesson but i love hard thats just the type of girl i am and everyone with me gets to start off on a fresh page. I have a feeling that this summer ima find someone lol..IDK its just this weird feeling =) But my rule is im gonna have to really get to know this person like really cause i thought i knew johnathan for 6yearsbut damn...

u get the best of both worlds

Aint not feeling like...knowing the truth =) It feels to good to be freeee yeah
Ive done all i could and was misunderstood im like an eagle set free finally im looking out for me
Oh i just stole a couple lines from Destiny CHilds (FREE) lmao yeah Girl
So today has been yet another eventful day! i found out a bunch today!
Gossip is over rated right? yeah well today i was called a Hoe, uhm slide,jump off
and a bitch and PUSSY.
Life is crazy, when people gotta act and show what they are made of and their true colors
So those were some words that was exchanged between me and my ex(you already know so no need to say names now is there) But yeah i said my fair of words too like Bitch,Pussy,Liar,Fake... Damn i guesss i kinda went in? yeah i went in but so did he you see Like my feelings werent hurt until he said 'i tried to turn a hoe into a housewife' because tats what hes been thinking this whole time... i think if he would of called me a WHORE i would of laughed it off cause its so proper when he was acting like the true***. But yeah he definitely turned it up this evening but i just have the worse headache in the world. So i guess i should get into why this BIG ass FIGHT occured.
I woke up this morning to some stupid ass movie on tv and i was like oo this is good lmao but it was stupid. so i went on the computer to fix up my resume because i want a BETTER JOB because i want my place by the summer BEEZIEZ! so i did that and i checked my facebook and i blogged a little bit..about mybrother cause hes a FREE MAN! so after that i fixed my resume spoke to my ITALIANA Adara and we discussed what we had to discuss i love our convoz! then i listened to some music while i did my resume because music makes me feel so much better and calm and it does take me to lala land and it lets my writing FLOW...But anyway after that it was like 10 am and i checked my myspace nd i had some DISRESPECTFUL comments from freaking BRYAN lmao! he went in saying that i look like wesley snipes from TOO WONG FOO lmao. But it made me laugh i was rolling and then i left some comments and then i had a message from a girl that idk, im familiar with the name tho so before i clicked it iwas like BOY OH BOY.. so in the message it said basically hey u dnt know me but im *** and i just wanted to know whats with u and *** get bak at me we can do this on myspace or the phone...DAMn DEJA VU so i hit up adara like YO chika one of his chikas hit me up and she wants to chit chat wat do i do? talk DAMMIT! lmao so i call her and we talk she tells me what it is and im blown away ...(NO IM NOT) like honestly i was too the point where most of the stuff she said didnt shock me cause im ike damn i don been there don that ... but i must admit him tellin another female that he does'love' me just pissed me off and the'keychain'(im not gettn into the keychain cause obviously it was stupid) but yeah so she asked me wats with us im like honestly were just good friendslike ive kown him for a minute thats my nigga, yeah we did go out but its not like tht now ya know... and we were on the phone for a minute cause she needed to vent and she started crying and im cry baby myself so i was just like girl dont worry hes gonna call and he does care about you dont ory girl and then she asked me if i stil wanted to be with him and honestly after what i heard from her and from what i know im literally{NUMB} like nothing could of phased me at that point. I was laughing at some of the stuff cause the things that GUYS do it amazes me everyday like ive seen my brother play girls but not to this extent idc what yu do but to denyya love for me and play my emotions like that to somrandom chikita! you gotz no respect for this GIRL over here. So she was telln me how his Baby momma was calling her and tellin her that they are gonna get married and blah blah and that hes not locked up and i was like well idk... so i guess she hit him nd his mamz up so of course he comes at me! at this point idc! like really shit i cant keep up with ur lies and your females and what you tell them cause thats not place in ya life(I NEVA HAD A PLACE) so he was going in like major! like he called me and we were yelling like ive never yelled at him like that before like it takes a lot to get me mad like that! and i really dont kno wat e was sayn n the phone cause i was yelln all i know is he was like youre a Slide,jumpoff dont eva call y EFfn Phone then i hung up so i was like OKie Dokie My G but then i was like wait i got some shit to get off my chest he always does that shii so i hit him up then he started goind in and basically hes gonna bring up my past nd he tried to throw that n my face but it didnt bother me cause that dont phase me it happenedshii, everyone has a past im not the first to have one maybe the frst to own up to it. But yea he was goin in like i tried to turn a hoe into a house wife..i was confused cause i just wanted to know when did i become a hoe? i was thinking to hard i was like wow damn a guys true colors come out and what not so im hitting up adara like yooo hes going in and sheslike dont worry dnt listen to that shii dnt write him back but i couldnt cause he was disrespecting me something CRAZY! oh yeah and then he was gonna get someone to shut me up! damn niggas was making promises and shit.. so of course i gotta go to my big bro DUN DUN UDN DUN! i just told kourtney wat was up and he called but nothing happened then kourtney called me and told me to stop with the myspce shit and to leave it alone and i tried to explain my story so i mean he kinda yelled at me then i guess johnathan called back and they spoke idk wat was exatly said al i know is kourtney said leave it alone and that he doesnt like doin the phone thug shit and that if he gets crazii physical then let him knoW! i rather t not cause i know how kourtney and his peoplez get down(mainly KOURTNEY) read about him down below lmao... and i mean damn i dont like johnathan but i wouldnt want ne1 to fight him although hes pressed on me fighting his sister and what not...DAmn how far we hav come.. Life is a BISHH! im not mad tho nd jennifer has been calling me all day i feel bad me and adara is like aww we gonna adopt her lol. damn she was crying on the phone man .it was crazy.. but yeah johnathan showed how he views me and it didnt hurt my feelings.. i mean cause i hoe is a garden tool anyway and n life people are gonna call u names nd disrespect you but its not wat they call u its wat ya Answer to BEEZIEZ! ya man.. But yeah i just told kourtney cause hes oldr and the rational one out of those negros i hang with...Kam just doesnt talk at all (you know liteskin people are crazy) lmao but yea tonight was a GOING IN NIGHT! damn im so numb like when he calledme on the phone and was sayin all that shiit i tried to force tears out causei was so mad but they didnt come out and i was like damn...this is it! IM NUMB me and this kid are officially FINITO! damn...well idk butkourtney said that hes called girls hoes and shit when he was pissed at them and loved them to death! but na he crossed the line..esp with the bitch but im not even mad cause if i was in a fight wih ne1 else id be calln them all times of names... and hes just another person so fxck it , its just words. Nah but kourtney was kinda tight with me hes like LEAVE IT THE FXCK ALONE DAMN MAN! he spoke some knowledge on a sistah~

I learned a bunch of things today*and im cramping and shit cause my friend from japan is coming...oh my bad too much info? LMAO
o yeah he called me a hoodrat too(LMAO) me? NOPE i could never be..damn im not mad tho cause im glad he got how he was really feeling off his chest this just makes things easier.. hes with the one he wants to be with (jenna) and hes got the one he wants to creep with(jennifer) oh my bad shes wifey.. Now i left a bunch of ish out itsjust toomuch.. and too repetitive from the first story!

KOURTNEYZ SHII {LMAO GOTTA LOVE HIM}

Police briefs 02/24/09
Tuesday, February 24, 2009 Last updated: Tuesday February 24, 2009, 11:54 AM
NorthJersey.com
var clickTitle = "Police briefs 02/24/09";
var partnerID=272326; var _hb=1;

window.onerror=function(){clickURL=document.location.href;return true;}
if(!self.clickURL) clickURL=parent.location.href;

#printDesc{display:none;}
Fort Lee man held in assault on cops
FORT LEE — A borough man has been charged with striking a policeman when the officer tried to tell him and his group to quiet down.
Kourtney Joyner, 20, was charged with two counts of aggravated assault on a police officer, resisting arrest and disorderly conduct. He was being held in the Bergen County Jail in lieu of $50,000 bail.
Police Chief Thomas Ripoli said two police officers, Steven No and Thomas Keelen, will be out of work on medical leave for at least the rest of this week after grappling with Joyner early Saturday at Angioletti Place and Parker Avenue.
The chief said Joyner punched Keelen in the right eye.
The officers were taken to Englewood Hospital, Keelen with facial and leg injuries and No with leg and knee injuries, Ripoli said.
Two others in Joyner’s group were charged with disorderly conduct, the chief said.
— Merry Firschein

Be greatful for {WHO} you gotz=)

So its like early in the morning and i must say this week has been interesting! uhm i found out that my brother KOURTNEY got out cause uhm es a GEE! lmao well ima get to that in a second. but yeah im so happy for my Italiana ADARA like she knows what im talking about and omgosh girl he seems like the real deal! and im glad he proved it to you by you meeting,well everyone and his baby! thats freaking amazing like i cant wait to meet his ass to cause i gotta approve even though i know i will cuz i fell n love with the kid by u just tellin me what he is about! but yeah thats good chika! ill be seeing you TOMM! yay uhm yeah so kourtney i was on the phone with him last night for like 2 hours and he was telln me how it was in there and how niggaz had mad RESPECT for him and they was giving him their commisary and all this shit and i was like YEAH MYBROTHERS A GEE! lmao so NIGGAZ DONT FUCKZ WITH ME! im glad hes out tho and everyhing is bueno dinero for him! yeah and can anybody make a 50 000 bond go to paying 480 dollars? yeah i know ill give u time to think on that SHII! HOLLLA FRANKIE lol oh yeah and KOURTNEY AND BRYAN said that i lost my swagg and i sound like a EXTRA WHITE GIRL and they dont know what happen lmao... but i tried t explain that i was getting over a cold and my nose was a lil conjested but imean i always sounded like a 'white girl' but niggas said its a whole nother level now..(did i just make up a word..'whole nother') watever its bloggin. But once i spoke to him and found out he was GOOOD money i was like YAY so this summer is goin to be amazing we need to plan a vacation because we so need it but idk man we might end up gettin arrested and i heard prison is no joke in mexio...idk if MR. Joyner has that much clout in MEXICO but i mean damn hes a joyner so he probably do. Dam niggas made it the bergen county newspaper im tellin him he should make a reality show based off this and of course us chikitas are gonna be in it lmao!we are really trying to have our own show OH EM GEE i would be the BESTEST like seriously! But yeah im just chilling and im definitely going to take adaras advice on...well you know what it was.. BUt just to let you know im good seriously like im enjoying myself right now...AND RUSH FOR THE SUMMER TO COME! i wanna wear shorts and shit and go to the basketball games in harlem like we always do and go to the BEACH cause the train rides there are BOMB! lmao and going to SIX FLAGS! and parties and shii and having crazii asss stories.. But of course i always meet a stalker in the summer lmao! yo remember JASON! oh EM GEE the one who 'killed his sister' yo he was cute tho he looked like juelz but he was a little off lmao! damn those were the days its crazii to sit back and reminisce.. But newayz I LOVE ALL YOU BISSHEZ KOURTNEY KAM BRYAN PEDRO ADARA BRANDY AND ASHLEY.. theres more but the main ones.. OH yeah and i miss myBROOKLYN BISH FINESSE i love u and i need to see you soon! cause according tomy people in fort lee im becoming soft again lol but idk cause i just passed a class with adara and ima GEE! i guess i gatta work on my slang and voice LMAO! LAter BEEZIEZ

At a lost and a BIG STAND STiLL

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! i needed to get that our* when is it pass naive and just plain DUMB, you know how like you watch maury and you see the same guest appear on the show because their man is cheating on them and they gave him another chance the previous show, and how we always sit there like OMGOSH you are so dumb BITCH LEAVE him ALONE! he did it more than once and hes not gonna stop cause he sees that youre gonna BItch but in the end youre gonn..(hold up adara is calling me)okay im back lol where was i... yeah i just realized that you can never give someone some real advice about a situation unless you have gone through it yourself! ya know. but today started off good because i spoke to Johnathan and im glad at the outcome of his situation and we had our words exchanged good and bad! but i think it was also a venting session for both of us as well. and then it just went DOWNHILL about 20 minutes ago and it threw me off, i mean this morning speaking to him threw me off too but i handled it. you know the only way i get thrown off is if my feelings get all swept up and i get emotional and excited and happy and i start thinking about my wedding day with this kid and our nice ass house that were gonna have in (jersey) or (delaware) lol... But everytime i find out some shit like tonight ,his baby momma posted that theres wedding bells and shes gonna be sending invitations out soon.. my heart dropped! like ive dealt with finding out that hes talking to more than one female or that he talked to one of my friends or him cursing me out on an answering machine or him having a child with his ex who he loves and cares about bt WEDDING BELLS! its like damn i thought i had that in the bag...that was one thing i never had to compete with any other female no matter what our issues were i was the one he wanted to marry and he was the one i wanted to marry and to even think that hes gonna tie the knot with someone is CRAZY...but i mean i have to be realistic, they have a baby together, who is absolutely GORGEOUS, and they live together i mean they practically are... Ugh im telling you ive never loved so hard and this is the honest truth. and its painful but im hoping that we do end up together n the end and that i really do have his heart because he does have mine. And you kno what if thats what he wanted , to be with jenna and marry her and spend the rest of his life wit her then i would have to respect it, im not gonna like it but because i have so much love for this kid id respect it!IDK this is crazy i just wanna go a month without hearing BULLISH or even second guessing what are we doing and whats our purpose with eachother! I know through out all these damn blogs i sound extremely confused lol!but hey its life nothing is smooth... and theres a line in the song LIons Tigers and BEars where she says just cause i love you and you love me it doesnt mean that were meant to be... DAmn if i ever heard those words from him my world would come to a stand still for a second.! and i love this kid to freaking PIECES! yeah it probably sounds like im making the ONLY excuses for him but ive done my fair of BS but honestly dont think ive ever hurt him how hes hurt me. i dont want to become the girl that becomes numb to all emotions and feelings. Im still emotional and cry at the drop of a dime( i cried watching the movie TWILIGHT).. Love is not an impossible task though, i mean its plenty work but damn i know this kid im not trying to start out and try and know another dude because guys now are really relentless and WORSE! at least with johnathan i know all his shii. its crazy cuz when i first met him i would of never thought id be here writing a blog about me being MADLY IN LOVE with him lol. DAMN MAN! wow and wats crazy is that he said i love you first and i was real hesitant and damn look at me?We got into an argument tonight because i asked him about him being with jenna and of course he said no hes not and that he wants to marry andall this stuff but he was MAD! like i was semi scared on the phone...he sounded so different on the phone like a completely different person and he said that if i ever bring up some ish from another person that hes not gonna talk to me EVER! damn i wonder if he would really do that... cause as much shit ive talked about being done and just being his friend...well its apparent that aint happen..FUCK i wish i could talk to KOURTNEY man this SXCKS major!i was on a high and now im just thinking. i definitely think too much as ADARA says but its hard not to because there are so many what ifs and so many things that dont make sense to me ya know. i wonder if im being stubborn and if hes really playing me out something CRAZY!honestly if it came to the light i think id be numb and just be like DAMN GIRL YOU GOT GOT! ahh i just want normality in my relationships man. I mean he and i arent even dating...im so confused idk what it is theres no label on us we just are its like this at the end of the day no matter how much i think hes self centered and he doesnt care about anyone but himself and if i left him it would not phase him much i do wnna marry this dude! damn im just all FXCKED up in the Rasberry ICETea!im such a sucker for love . i accept him for who he is i just dont know man ...theres not enough times that i can say 'IDK' thing is that im ridiculously smart like extremely! but when it comes to this kid i cant let go! likeif RAy J came up to me and started acting crazy id be like PEACE! but its something about him. I feel like i gtta do extra just to keep him attentive i wonder if he even has interest or if im just something of a convenience for him. Like im not gonna lie he tells me things to reassure his feelings for me but i mean then something alwaysalways comes up and im back to QUESTIONING everything. I just think we would b a bomb ass couple and especially im still coming into my own and becoming more comfortable and confident everyday and hes already there. were from two different walks of lifes but then again were not because we share something that puts all of the differences aside to dust and thats LOVE...

i completed ADARAs Class

so yeah adara told me that im officially a GEE! lol that means a lot man. it took a lot to get to this point girl lol.

A lot of late night trainings and stuff but i made it and im going to pass on what i learned to the

next Punk! nahh mean lmao

But anyway thats all i had to say like adara said just dont get hit with the

O because...well you know what that means! NEXT or(WHO CARES!!) lol

They dont make em like us anymore im telling you!

{ILoveMYFaG}

Adara and I GO INNNNNN

LOL so yeah me and adara have gotten 10 times closer and im super glad that we are friends! friends since middle school and were still going STRONG YES maam! but anyway a lot has happened this past week! My brother/best male friend Kourtney got arrested i miss him! but i know hes OKAY and things are gonna get straight! yah MAn.. SO tomm is One of BFFZ bday Ms. BRANDY BLOUNT! the big 19 lol... its crazi and summer is right around the corner...well kind of, im excited IM BREATHING AND FXCKING EXHALING.and another good news is tht Mr. Gilmore is a free manYAY* thats my nigga lol(nah he knows what it is) but anyway things are honky DORY! uhm..... lately adara and i have been going in especially wth the dudes..like gettin at them because we are SOOOOO tired of gettin played and guys treatin us like ISH! so i have a couple of new words at to my VOCAb especially {OH} lmao thatz from adara..thats the worse thing you can say to someone lmao besides sayin WHO CARES! lmao but yeah weare no longer called KSOBB we are The BAddest Couturettes* Dont ask it just is! Um i fell in love with PINTA lmao thts my DOMINICAN MAMI! oww lol she cooks th best CARNE and RICE i learned a few things from her! uhm i got a stalker on myspace lol he went in!! but i got him back cause he was soo disrespectful i pu him in his place... uhm David he still a psycho he got mad because i called him a psychoBOB because he called me at 6 in the morning and i was like WOAH! hold up....Adara just called me and she said that she went innn on some nigga lmao! i swear DUDEZ arent ready this year! watch out and brandy and ashley been on that shii! lmao nah we arent bitter we just got a little SMARTER...lmao OMGOSH! i love my girls soo mchim tellin youd never find a batch of girls like us* but yeah anyway were not hurting anyones feelings were not using anyone we are just being real andletting them know what it is and how its going down for a change im sorry but its time we have a say and stop getting sucker playe like HIGH TOP FADES(JAY) lmao.. but anyway yah man everything would be EXTRA perfect if KOURTNY WAS OUT to enjoy and watch us and coach us ... oh yeah me kourtney and adara came up with a group of certain types of dudes! lol its called ' AINT SHIT NIGGAs' aka a.s.n so yeah kourtney classified himself as one toolmao so i mean at least hes honest and he knows wat it is lmao Oh Em Gee. and another thing i was always afraid to say certain things to 'a certain person' but after me and adara got in on our 'GOIN IN' flow im just kinda like WHO CARES i rather speak my mind and let me breathe instead of being bothered ya know.. well thats about it. Life is BUEno no Complaints I love My friends especially y 'HONEY COMBS CREATURE' LMFAO ADARA=) omgosh what would life be without LAughs?

Im not scared Of Lions Tigers and Bears(ex factor)

So yeah its been a while since i wrote here.. and i mean not much has happened but then again.. idk its weird i feel like a totally new person all refreshed and stuff. Im super happy and im excited about life, like its crazy and theres always so many new experiences in life... and the world is so small man, this guy hit me up on myspace and hes like really cute he looks like RAY J and im like in love with RAY J and we were vibing and stuff i was like how weird... but of course its too good to be true, hes one of my friends friends ex man.. but an ex like me and my ex,johnathan.. (but thats neither here nor there) and i guess they are suppose to be working things out... exclusively not with another person and this boy is like really tlaking to me like crazy! hard and im just having fun with it but i know i gotta report it to the friend so she can pass it on to the other friend because i so know what its like to think that its just you and him and its really you him and "shaniqua",'boniqua",'jena','lisa' and all them other females you know, and i think if a women knows that the man is involved with another female whether they are having problems or not, she should automatically step back! for real tho lol. But anyway me and my brother Kourtney are just sitting here 'locking' in on him and i just came to the conclusion that i went on myspace and found a cute guy and he seemed cool adn he is just like my ex..! LMAO thats crazi of all the people i could of ran into on myspace... i run into a liein ass nigga... damn they everywhere.. im done with trying to give someone my all lol im just having fun now.. im gonna take brandys advice and think like a nigga so i wont get played like a bitch and ill also have lots of laughs along the way. No but im also talkin to this guy'TAZ' and wat a coincidence he has the same bday as my ex lmao... no but ive been chit chattin with him since september and hes super cool and cute.. he has a daughter though but i mean we are just friends great and hes freaking hilarious. and then a lil something from the past popped up my old..ex RYAN lol hes still crazy but i mean damn he got a baby too.. so i mean i just came to the conclusion that i attract niggas who got babies and who cant spell and they not to bright LMAO! but its all good thats just my calling that im suppose to teach! and help the world.. i need help myself tho but im just having fun tho cuz life is too short to get mad and stuck over niggas who cant read and write and they aint about SHIIIT.. right now im sitting here with my homegirl ADARA and my bro KOURTNEY... yo but i am so happy right now like words cant even explain.. like i just always thought that it was going to be me and JOhnathan at the end happy and stuff but i mean your mind can really drift you to wonderland and im not mad... at all it was crazy though ya know but i know that being single and not knowing who you are going to marry is not that bad.. thats just all apart of this big journey that im on... and mr. right is gonna come alone and be everything that i need and want.. i wont have to ask for anything because he and i will just connect until then im 19 and im having fun... i have so much life and i so dont need to be wasting tears on a man that doesnt give two shits about me.. and running into all these boys and ex's this past week just opened that door for me.. like im not ugly and im pretty im smart i have a lot of personality sometimes a little too much... i mean i cant cook but i damn sure know how to read instructions and order food ya know, im definately a well rounded girl and the next person that i get into a relationship is gonna be lucky and im gonna feel the same way too lol like im not trying to sound cocky or anything but i mean us girls dont give ourselves enough credit and after a bad relationship we feel destroyed and like we have nothing else to give but that is so not the case at all...if anything we gained so much more... like i have crazy ass stories to tell and i have great memories and i also have some that was just like damn girl how stupid were you.. but hey im not a rocket science and i dont plan on being one... i never want to know all the answers i rather figure life out for me and thats it... but after this long overdue dragged out situation im definitely not scared of LIONS TIGERS AND BEARS! at all...

Andrew Maximillian Davis r.i.p.

"In the bottom of an old pond lived some grubs who could not understand why none of their group ever came back after crawling up the lily stems to the top of the water. They promised each other that the next one who was called to make the upward climb would return and tell what had happened to him. Soon one of them felt an urgent impulse to seek the surface; he rested himself on the top of a lily pad and went through a glorious transformation which made him a dragonfly with beautiful wings. In vain he tried to keep his promise. Flying back and forth over the pond, he peered down at his friends below. Then he realized that even if they could see him they would not recognize such a radiant creature as one of their number. The fact that we cannot see our friends or communicate with them after the transformation which we call death is no proof that they cease to exist." by Walter Dudley Cavert Remember Now © 1944, 1971

caught up in the black mans trivial games**ANIKOLE

ok so first i wanna say ive never felt so betrayed before in my life.. like my feelings are hurt slightly but im more angry then anything and im not an angry person.. i really shoulda have listened to my friends on this note because im ANGRY! uhhhh to the extent.. But im glad i found out now.. lol i really believed everything that came out of his mouth... i dont trust him i dont have resoect for him or anything... i look at this as a learned lesson. His girlfriend is respectable and i give her a bunch of kudos for being respectable and all that stuff and not resorting to an ignorant "Bitch". Well ive been venting ever since i spoke to Jenna and what not. Of course im just looking at the positives in this situation. i know that i will be fine because im a great person and i have a lot to offer as a person whether it be in a friendship or relationship, i just know that i will never give myself to a man the way i did to johnathan.. and its not even like it was that easy... it was emotional and stuff for the first 3 years.. then the physicals came into play, and im not attached its not that serious ya know. you live and you learn...
UHhh I just cried my eyes out..but now that i got it out of my system im bueno DINERO!

the only thing open at 3 am is Walmart and Legs

okay so uhm... about a year ago my homegirl Romina told me to go to her page and look at a video.. and its called "The truth about Men"...now im not saying this applies to all men and he even states this in the video but i mean damn i already told my girls to watch it and the first response i got was from ADARA.. and it was "OMG" so im just passing on something that ive been enlightened on now im just saying there was a couple of things in there where i found myself saying "lmao wow ive heard that damn" so i mean if you ladies dont agree with everything its at least one thing that you can put yourself in those shoes.. and uhm this postin is by a MALE.. so i mean...
youtube it its called the The truth about men and its by jay Brigham.. or you can go on my myspace and watch the video..i just feel obligated as a woman to let my fellow women know whats up..but i advise the version on my myspace page because its the full 15 minutes..you tube only gives you 8 minutes of it.. better yet ill give you his myspace because he has more videos up there... its myspace.com/youngtruck.. so ladies remember its not ALL MEN... MAJority though...

half assing....not 2 stepping..

So last night I spoke to my nieces Jada and Kamani my little monsters, I'm gonna spend the weekend with them and I'm excited I miss them. But that's not the point of this blog. I spoke to my sis Ciana and we were just catching up on things and her man was there in the background and I guess they're going thru their own little issues and what not but before she hung up the phone cause her and her man were arguin she left me with some words that makes you think...now you can take it either way but it damn sure had my brain going...if a man is going to half ass everythng and give you half assness then he deserves a half ass female...but this where the dilemma comes...what type of woman are you? Are you one to lower yourself to halfness or are you gonna leave the half man for a full complete one? There's mistakes in life and then there's choices...idk man I'm just taking one day at a time because you just never know...never
On a diff note I miss my brandy anikole and adara! And some others but the main ones ya know. Uhm that's pretty much it I don't have much to say...I'm still head over heels for my Jay, I like em love em...I'm not even gonna try to explain... nor understand

Reality check...

...So tomm is the inaguaration for our new president! Barack Obama. and im really excited and glad that i got to see this event happen in my lifetime.. like im definately apart of history and all ya know. But yeah ever since my last blog ive been speaking to him and we had a major falling out on saturday night, and i think hes really done with 'us' and even though ive been saying that would be the right thing for me it sure as hell doesnt feel like it at all.. Like that night i was an emotional rollercoaster like i called his phone at least 70 times and i left 4 messages and im sure he thinks im crazy. But no thats not the case at all, im in love and was fighting for it. IDK what to do im kinda at a lost on where he stands in this situation. I want to spend the rest of my life with him and be happy, he does make me happy because right now im feeling it. i mean i know people say if its meant to be then it will be, but i think i kinda forced for this to come about. one thing that i have realized is not to let everyone in your business ya know because i have to learn how to have my own opinion and deal with things by myself because my mom isnt always going to be here nor are my friends, we all are going to go off and have our own lives if we havent now already. i made some mistakes in this relationship i had with him, i told him too much and i also gossiped about things i didnt like or agree with to my friends and whoever would listen lol. BIG MISTAKE!!! really because at the end of the day yeah i do have my own opinion but i also have an intake on others as well, but in all reality its just me and him in it no one else. I just feel like i messed up this time and i dont know if i can save face this time... like its really over or something, i love to hope for the best and prepare for the worse thats just how life is. its real. and i must say that i have definately learned something from this and ill def take it into the next relationship i have or if he and i get back together or if he decides to speak to me then ill know next time how to have a better INTIMATE relationship. I love this man so much. UGH i just needed to vent this out because im def not gonna be sitting here crying and being blah... ima do me just like hes probably out doing him, now that doesnt mean that ima go talk to a bunch of dudes and become a lil hot tamale.. but ima just go to school work and focus on me and just find happiness within myself and not look for anyone else to do that for me. Because at the end of the day its just me...But one thing about me is that im a persistant female and im not going to just let 5 in a half years almost six in a few months go down the drain over some nagging and bitching. I love him and he is the one that i want. not only that i miss my friend! and im not giving up on that i definately wanna be there for him during his time in prison and just be there to talk to him and pray with him about stuff, ya know we did meet at church lol.! i mean idk.. im pretty content at the moment im trying to stay busy and focused so i dont notice the seconds minutes nor hours that are passing me by as i impatiently wait to hear for him... but ugh its gonna surpass eventually it always does doesnt it? well this has def been a reality check and i pray that its not late...

biggest decision of '09

Hey so its currently 2 09 pm Jan 15th and I'm sitting in my ex boyfriends apartment alone..no ex ..no1. The decision I made today I think was pretty difficult but I know its gonna make me happier and its going to be the best thing for me...no one else but me. And that's where the problem lied, I was always concerned about how he would be affected by certain decisions that I made and how would it work out for him and his daughter to come. I never once thought about Kiera and what was right for her. I love him and I'm always going to love him but love should not rule everything, that doesn't give an excuse to be heart emotionally and spiritually. I now realize that love doesn't overcome everything , well in this situation it definately doesn't. I gave him my all, my trust my love and my body and spirit. I wanted to be with him forever and I had that lil fantasy of a beautiful home with green grass and the welcome doormat in front of the door... but that vision has definately deteriorated. I'm not giving up on love because I'm a great person and I deserve to be loved to the utmost extent and I deserve to share my love with someone who is going to appreciate it as well. But letting go can be the toughest thing especially in love that's why we tend to make up excuses for certain situations or actions to pro long the long over due."I'm leaving you cause I love me too damn much to sit here thru this" speech. And today I kinda did that...no scratch that I did. It just hit me as a light bulb that I'm sitting here at my ex boyfriends house and he's getting dressed and getting ready to go back to his baby mothers house and be a family or just be there for his daughter period... and live there. And he and I are not an item,I am not his girlfriend,fiance, nor wife and he is not my boyfriend,fiance, nor husband. And I'm sitting here 'in love' with an idea... simply an idea. Because in my heart I felt like I was the only one and I was the one and we were gonna be together...but my common sense kicked in and said' hey kiera you've been ignoring me for a while but uhm....RUN AWAY'....but anyway point being of why I called it quits is that he and I got into an argument and he walked away from me and I ran after him and stopped him crying and screaming all distraught and he left...without saying Bye, or even an I lov you...and to me I'm so stuck on never leave the one you love on an angry not or don't go to bed mad cause its just not good. But that just showed me today the lack of love and respect he has for me...which I should have realized a long time ago. But I'm going to be fine, ill always love him and have a certain soft spot for 'us' but never c give my heart to him like I did. I was in over my head...

computer Love

So yeah im sitting here watching American Idol and they are starting in AZ im missing Az a little bit...kind of contimplating whether or not i should go back. I had a long conversation with one of my girls yesterday and she made me the best playlist of all time.. im on song no.1 called "Computer Love" and thats a lil inside that we got going on. But yeah i gotta side track for a second because yesterday was the season finale of "Real Chance of Love" and this NEGROID chance aint pick no girl.. damn they shoulda known cause his name is CHANCE so this means hes a CHANCING ass NEGRO. but anyway i digress. i have a lot on my mind.. The love of my life is going to jail on the 25th of Feb and i dont know how to handle that...so many emotions are running thru my mind... and his baby momma is about due any day now so one of his seeds will be running around this earth, YAY no but im really excited cause i love kids they are so sweet and innocent.... my emotions are high in the air. but anyway he really wants me to stay here so i can visit him while hes doing his bid.. and im going to be there for him but you see the thing is that i dont want to wait while hes doing his bid and when he gets out he decides he wants to be a free man or even better wanna get back with his baby momma... i mean cause if thats the case i rather him tell me this now so i can be like PEACE nigga! but hes telling me that he loves me and that im the one and that we are in this together so im going to give him the benefit of the doubt. I do love him. Aww and he got me the other day when we were texting eachother and he said that when i was away in AZ there was a song that made him think about me everytime he listened to it and its called "Come back to me shawty" by tyrese i listened to it and i was like aww so sweet (im on song no.2 when a womens fed up r.kelly)...but in my opinion his flirting ways go a little too damn far i just asked him if he were talking to any females and he said that he was just flirting with random girls in every situation so yeah the answer and solution on what i should do should be quite simple right? and the kicker is im talking to him right now soo but yeah idk my emotions is gettin the best of me for real tho.. well im gonna leave on that note and let him dig hiself deeper in a hole....

The game

So yeah this is my first blog.. i was missing for a while but im back in the mix... i must admit i was trapped in this niggas house for days! theres footage on myspace... well dependin on what day it is and what time it is i may have taken it down cuz he and i got into an argument ...but thats nothin that on an average day... who knew men would be so difficult.. okay lemme break down the story ima sum it up.. me and JOhnathan have been dealin with eachother for 5 years goin on 6 in may and he stuck thru my lesbian phase and everything and now im stickin it thru with his new babymama and i love him. i really do but sometimes i cant deal with the drama. like is it asking for too much just for a text or maybe a phone call to say hey babe im ok. But no thats considered naggin and stuff. But anyway thats neither here nor there... everyone around me keeps telling me to let him go and just do me but i have a lot of time invested in him and he claims that he wants to marry me and im the one.. but if i were the one then he wouldnt have gotten another female prego correct? yeah thats what i thought... sometimes love isnt enough now a days. But i have my girls to comfort me when the time comes when i gotta let him go... and i feel like that time is coming quickly idk i just know the deadline for decision is FEB 25....