Ive been real open like a book. Hmmm... on so many levels. i dont second guess it or things, i just DO or just GO. yeah every action has a reaction. Ive been trying to overcome this thing where ill get embarrassed after i put all my cards on the table thinking its a winning hand and it turns out to be a LOSS. Both friendships and intimate relationships. its the facts of life. I dont expect to get it overnight but i dont expect to continue to make the same mistakes over and over again with the same people. its just completely stupid. for lack of better words.
I wanna ramble about a couple of diff things. Im either too forward or not forward enough. Then if im stuck in between ill nine times out of ten attempt to over compensate.. Stepping out of character and doing more than i normally do. And uhm...its exhausting when you realize all ur efforts are just going un-noticed. Its hard to open up to the opposite sex about yourself when you havent even really faced your issues, but you cover them and leave your past in your past. And in your mind you picture the guy of your dreams or just a guy your crushing on at the moment to be able to look at you or even hear in your voice that you have a story to tell and they are willing to listen. even if they have no type of feedback, you'd be a great listener.
You can say i live in fantasy land when it comes to the perfect man. but thats the thing, i dont want a perfect guy at all i want it all except perfection. I cant say i know exactly what i want but i know what i dont want. its def still the very beginning =)
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