biggest decision of '09

Hey so its currently 2 09 pm Jan 15th and I'm sitting in my ex boyfriends apartment alone..no ex ..no1. The decision I made today I think was pretty difficult but I know its gonna make me happier and its going to be the best thing for me...no one else but me. And that's where the problem lied, I was always concerned about how he would be affected by certain decisions that I made and how would it work out for him and his daughter to come. I never once thought about Kiera and what was right for her. I love him and I'm always going to love him but love should not rule everything, that doesn't give an excuse to be heart emotionally and spiritually. I now realize that love doesn't overcome everything , well in this situation it definately doesn't. I gave him my all, my trust my love and my body and spirit. I wanted to be with him forever and I had that lil fantasy of a beautiful home with green grass and the welcome doormat in front of the door... but that vision has definately deteriorated. I'm not giving up on love because I'm a great person and I deserve to be loved to the utmost extent and I deserve to share my love with someone who is going to appreciate it as well. But letting go can be the toughest thing especially in love that's why we tend to make up excuses for certain situations or actions to pro long the long over due."I'm leaving you cause I love me too damn much to sit here thru this" speech. And today I kinda did that...no scratch that I did. It just hit me as a light bulb that I'm sitting here at my ex boyfriends house and he's getting dressed and getting ready to go back to his baby mothers house and be a family or just be there for his daughter period... and live there. And he and I are not an item,I am not his girlfriend,fiance, nor wife and he is not my boyfriend,fiance, nor husband. And I'm sitting here 'in love' with an idea... simply an idea. Because in my heart I felt like I was the only one and I was the one and we were gonna be together...but my common sense kicked in and said' hey kiera you've been ignoring me for a while but uhm....RUN AWAY'....but anyway point being of why I called it quits is that he and I got into an argument and he walked away from me and I ran after him and stopped him crying and screaming all distraught and he left...without saying Bye, or even an I lov you...and to me I'm so stuck on never leave the one you love on an angry not or don't go to bed mad cause its just not good. But that just showed me today the lack of love and respect he has for me...which I should have realized a long time ago. But I'm going to be fine, ill always love him and have a certain soft spot for 'us' but never c give my heart to him like I did. I was in over my head...